Some might find the statement harsh, but I am a failure.
A failure at keeping my goal with this blog. While I stated that I would not write on a weekly basis, I did say that I would post regularly. Looking back at my history, I see that I have not posted anything since March 3rd. More than a two month gap in posts.
I shouldn’t be too surprised by this as it is my usual pattern. First, I get all excited by some idea or project; then I throw myself into the endeavor wholeheartedly, at least at first; then comes the complacency and eventual abandonment of the idea/project.
I’ve repeated this process a multitude of times over the years. I am gung-ho at the onset, but lack the drive and determination to continue. Where do I go wrong? Ask anyone who knows me – I am a stubborn, pigheaded person who can stick to something out of principle. Yet when it comes to my own well-being and enjoyment, I cave.
Earlier this week, I spent the day attending Leadercast 2016 and one of the speakers said something that stuck with me:
Discipline is knowing what you need to do when you don’t always want to, but doing it anyway.
I lack in discipline. Rewards do not come without effort. If I want to lose weight but continue eating junk food and not exercising, I can’t be shocked when I do not succeed. If I want to become a musician, I have to practice my instrument. The same applies to my writing. I want to be a writer therefore I need to write. It isn’t rocket science, so why do I fail?
The fear of failure is the primary reason many people fail to set achievable goals. People want to dream, but are afraid that they will fail if they try, so they don’t. I know that is part of my own mental block. I am scared to face failure and defeat. What if I’m not good at it? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I never become the next Stephen King? I realize that this is a reaction to my own expectations. Rather than resist trying something because you may not reach the self-imposed expectations that you have dictated, why not just try it and see what the results are?
I enjoy writing. So why don’t I do more of it? Why do we not take the time to do the things that bring us joy, that elevates our vibratory levels? My hope is that by openly talking of my failure in keeping this initiative going, it will make me more accountable and motivate me to continue writing. I don’t expect to put out reams of genius content, but there may be gleams of it periodically. Who knows?
Here comes plan B…